It's legal to play hockey professionally. 
The puck is always hard. 
Protective equipment is reusable and you don't even have to wash it. 
It lasts a full hour. 
You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
Your parents cheer when you score. 
A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon. 
Periods only last 20 minutes. 
You can count on it at least twice a week. 
You can tell the media about it afterwards.

Andy came to work one day, limping something awful.  One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.

Andy replied, "Oh, nothing.  It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."

Josh said, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."

Andy responded, "No I don't.  I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs.  I put my foot through the television."

First man:  My wife suggested that I stop playing hockey and I take up a new sport this summer.

Second man:  Well, that's nice.  It shows that she has your interests at heart.  Did she make any suggestions?

First man:  As a matter of fact, she did.  By the way, how do you play this Russian Roulette?

For Hockey Fans Only
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Grant Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists it, breaking the dogs neck.

A reporter from the Chicago Times was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young BlackHawks Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a BlackHawks fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Chicago, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again. "Little Wolves Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Wolves fan either," the boy said.

"I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the BlackHawks or Wolves. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Flyers fan," the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Bastard from Philadelphia Kills Beloved Family Pet."